I have to say, lately, blogging has been a struggle. I'm just not into it and I had to think hard about why that is, exactly...
It was Kek's latest post about it being 10 years since she embraced a healthy lifestyle, that finally got through to me. Kek and I started on our health journey in the same year. That was the year I got sane about eating well, trained like a hero and won my category in the NZ Body for Life competition. That's how I met so many awesome people that I love to bits (Kek, SaraHT, Raina, Liz, Brendon, Amanda, Chris, Clara, I'm looking at you all - or y'all (Clara and Sara), haha) .
Ten years ago.
Since then, give or take a few binge eating relapses, I've maintained the healthy lifestyle that is now settled in my identity. Whether I'm lifting weights, doing Zumba, busting out some yoga moves or just walking by the river, I've stuck with moving my body and eating unprocessed food - lots of veges, few grains, very few industrial oils, little sugar, few nightshades, lower fat, high nutrient, alkaline, listen to my body - it's really not complicated. In fact, it's quite mundane and boring.
My weight is right where I want it (22kg down from where I started), I don't have to think too hard about what I eat and.. slowly.. my mind has turned to other things. I think this is a natural evolution. It was a serious challenge for me to master my body and my eating. It was far beyond difficult. Food was my comfort and my drug. I suffered with feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness and panicked when faced with unfamiliar eating situations. Everything hinged on my feelings around food and my body, or more exactly, my scale weight. That little number held ultimate power for far too long.
Over the years, I've faced all of that. I've focused on it, worked on it and even studied it to the point where I am qualified to help other people deal with their nutrition and their health. I believe I am .. tired of talking about it. As it turns out, there are other things. Health will always be 'my thing', and I have a strong interest in helping people get healthy and fulfil their potential, but my evenings are now full of those other things. Specifically, things that were crowded out and neglected when my real life was completely absorbed by eating disorders so long ago.
Last night I visited a new friend for the purpose of playing some flute duets. I was totally useless, but she was patient and I left with my soul buzzing. That is the first time I played a flute duet with anyone since I was 15 years old, right about the time that bulimia began tearing my life apart from the inside. I've made an effort lately to connect with people that share my other interests: music, spirituality, healing, human relationships, travel and business. My reading list is not exclusively books about nutrition and body transformation.
I no longer walk into a room and mentally scan for people that are fatter, or thinner, than me, although I do have concerns when people look unhealthy - I want to quiz them up on their lifestyle and deliver a lecture :D. Photographing the food is no longer the most important thing when I go to a cafe or cook a meal. Most of the time, I forget. I'd rather meet my readers in person than get blog comments. Basically, I've changed. A lot.
Finally, I feel free, and it's only really the last 6-8 months that I can truly say that. Mentally, physically, I've moved on and embraced my life in new ways. I would say, I've found myself.
That place I always wanted to be at with my body and health. I'm finally there. Now what?
What to do with Fit to Blog? It's not the end. I think there'll be more diverse content (and perhaps a change of name, once the domain comes up for renewal - any ideas?), still health focused, but more holistic. I'm not going to think too hard about it, let's just see what happens, huh?
And, of course, thanks to everyone that's stuck by me and kept reading over the last 7 years. That's a long time and we've all come a long way. Go us!
Here's a few food pics, just to prove this post isn't code for 'now I'm just going to eat chocolate and chippies'.
|lunch at Willows Cafe yesterday (market day!)|
|The ingredients for moroccan lamb|
|This morning's breakfast - fell apart but I patched it with yogurt :)|