Saturday, March 26, 2011

You know you live in Christchurch when....

This landed in my email inbox today. I don't know who wrote it, but if it was you, please message me and I'll credit you. 

What makes it funny is that it's oh-so-very-accurate.


Geonet / ChristchurchQuakeMap is your homepage 
The rest of the country offers you a place to stay 

"Munted" and "buggered" are official technical terms (used by both the Mayor and the Prime Minister to describe the state of Christchurch) 

You go 'pfffff' when Wellington has a 4.5 earthquake that's 40km deep 
You see a nice park in another city and think it would make a good evacuation point 
You sleep in one suburb, shower in another and collect water from yet another 
When you drive on the right side of the road and no one thinks it's wrong 
You are happy two Policemen came for a visit 
When your bike becomes your best friend 
You think it's fine for a soldier to be stationed at the end of your street
You see armoured vehicles driving down the road 
It's normal to greet people with "do you need a shower?" 
A bucket of sh*t is no longer that old car you drive 
Every house is a crack house 
Instead of rushing to the clothes line to get clothes in when it rains, you put dirty washing on the line in the hope that it will rain enough to clean them 
Going to Wellington to escape earthquakes makes sense(note to non-kiwi blog readers - Wellington has traditionally been considered the most likely location for "The Big One")
Your doctor recommends having a few stiff drinks before bed to help you sleep 
You have tied the pantry, liquor cabinet and all the cupboard doors closed and it's not to keep kids out 
You prefer to sit under the table instead of at it 
You think electronics that have "shock proof" should say to which earthquake magnitude 
You know and actually understand the terms and conditions of your House and Contents insurance policies 
You can see irony in claims about houses made of "permanent materials" 
Your en-suite has a vege garden, dog kennel and grass 
Your teenagers are only too happy to sleep in the same room as their parents 
You stop using the term "built like a brick sh*t house" 
Dressing up to "head into town" means putting on a hi-viz vest, hard hat and boots 
Discussing toilet habits with total strangers is an everyday norm 
Wee boys don't get excited when they see (another) digger or a dozer - but all the adults in the street cheer wildly 
Voluntarily staying in Timaru for five days seems like a good idea 
You know what that extra gear lever on your 4X4 is for 
Metservice includes a graph for dust 
You have dust mask tan lines
You can use the term "liquefaction" in everyday casual conversation, even your 3-year old can 
When a massive group of students appears in your street, you feel overwhelmed with gratitude  instead calling the Police. What's more, the students leave the street in better condition than when they arrived 
The answer to where anything is ... it's on the floor 
You smile at strangers and greet people like you're one big family 

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