Sunday, January 11, 2009

Life.. what a trip!

I'm being stalked by a spider. I'm back in my own house and almost alone in my own bed. Last night I was reading a book and looked down to see a spider sitting on the bed starting at me. I swooshed it off with the book and forgot about it. This morning it was sitting in the same spot, looking at me (I think.. I mean, their eyes are small and you can't be sure). This time I scooped it up on a piece of paper and put it on the floor near the wall. Then I got up and when I went back into the bedroom about 20 mins later it was there again, in the same place, looking at me. So, now I have put it on a windowsill in the kitchen. If it finds it's way back to my bed I'll just have to accept that this is my new boyfriend. C'est la vie.

Things have taken an unexpected turn with the love drama. On Friday I was anticipating another Friday night on my own, and, with nothing to lose, I emailed Jason to ask if he wanted to meet for a beer. I fully expected him to say that he didn't want to/ had plans/ had to wash his hair, but instead he said 'I can do that'. We met at the Bard, which is a cool English styled pub (they do a pot pie with mushy peas) and after half a guinness I was really enjoying myself. I decided not to talk about the relationship because, well, been there and it didn't achieve anything. It was probably the first time we have just spent time like that for ... years. Later, there was something on my mind so I phoned him. I just wanted to point out the obvious, that splitting our assets is going to cost him something like a bazillion dollars and will be stressful on both sides. I said that unless he was 100% sure that this is the only way, then I think we should take it slowly, give it time and make our decision on a clear head, perhaps just see if there is anything left between us that is worth saving. If it doesn't work out, and we do end up apart, at least I'd feel better that we didn't rush things and that we gave it a shot. Again, to my surprise, he agreed and that's where we are at. He said it might have been the perfume I was wearing. Well, it's important to have a few tricks up your sleeve.

I would love to be able to put this relationship back on track, but, when I think about it, 'back' is not what I want at all. I want something different and better, and of course, it's not all up to me. There were problems, big problems on both sides of the partnership and going back to what 'was' would be a disaster. I think, from my point of view, the only way to make it work is to do exactly what I'm already doing. This changes nothing. I still have to sort myself out, stop stressing, stop being so busy, have more fun and just be the Sara that I feel I really am inside. That way, if I end up with my guy again, or I don't, I'll be fine.

Right now I'm off to the gym. Firm legs make a girl feel better about everything.

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