Saturday, March 03, 2007

A tale of the scale (for the scale voyeurs!)

First the BIG news. I just got back from a Salsa lesson and I still feel mostly pain free. A little tightness on the left but nothing that could be described as 'pain'. I was very good. I did 40 minutes of rehab exercises and stretches before even heading out the door. ;)

Feb is over and it's time to evaluate where I'm at with the gradual fatloss through non-dieting thing. First a brief history of coming out of BED (Binge Eating Disorder). April 2006 I decided that I needed to tackle the Binge Eating problem head on by following something similar to the 4 steps of Normal Eating. This involved a complete reversal of what I'd been trying to do - lose weight through dieting. In my new plan, there was only one rule - no binging. That's it. I could eat what I wanted, I could even overeat, but no binges. The most tricky thing about getting out of binge eating disorder is that you really need to be in a state of 'not hungry' (i.e. not trying to lose weight) in order to discover what drives the binging - it's very hard to differentiate between emotional hunger and physical hunger when you are nearly always physically hungry. I took my focus off food and weight, told myself that gaining weight didn't bother me (a BALD FACED LIE, but I had to not care about that for a while) and got on with finding out what emotional issues were behind my urges to stuff my face. I didn't throw all my knowledge of good nutrition away though, as some do when embracing 'intuitive eating'. I ate my protein and veges and kept exercising. I decided that I would stick with the emotional focus until mid-August and then evaluate where I was at with my weight. I did not weigh myself. I worked on self-acceptance and on realising that the scales only measure weight, not self-worth. I worked on 'it's not about the food or weight'.

Mid August I got on the scales and was 63.7kg. I should have been horrified but I felt nothing and took this to be an extremely positive sign. I had learned another interesting thing. Avoiding the scales because it affects self esteem is a sign that those numbers mean too much. Now I weigh whenever the hell I feel like it, sometimes every day. It's just 'data'. Mid August I also evaluated how many calories I was eating, approximately and started shifting my nutrition toward a slight negative calorie balance, without being too dramatic about it. I started re-working my meals to increase the nutrients and decrease the cals without sacrificing the flavour and slowly my weight has decreased. My goal is 55kg and I don't have a timeframe for that. Sometime this year would be great.

My average weights since mid August (in kg):
Aug 06: 62.7 (highest 63.7, lowest 62.1)
Sept 06: 61.7 (highest 63.2, lowest 61.0)
Oct 06: 61.2 (highest 61.7, lowest 60.3)
Nov 06: 60.4 (highest 61.3, lowest 60.0)
Dec 06: 60.2 (highest 60.8, lowest 59.8)
Jan 07: 60.1 (highest 60.8, lowest 59.5)
Feb 07: 59.3 (highest 59.9, lowest 58.8)

You can see that it's really a slow process but it's stable, manageable, even enjoyable. In a few more months I'll post a graph that shows the ups and downs. You will see that sometimes I have, on a particular day, been a kg heavier than on that day the month before. That can really mess with your head if you are still emotionally connected to the little red numbers! I think it was Einstein that said something like 'you can't get too excited by either the ups or the downs'.. how true, how true.


  1. Yay, you! Who knew it was even possible to not care about the scales?

  2. Meh... I can still get freaked out by carb bloat for sure and have a small meltdown but at least it doesn't turn into the illogical thought that chocolate will fix everything!

    Sereyna, I meant to reply about my mums interesting 'past'. That was only 2004 and I think she wants to go back. She has an orphanage in Zambia but they can only work 2 years at a time. It's too stressful because lots of kids die (of AIDS) and they see a lot of abuse and poverty. They work 2 years on then 2 years off.

  3. LOVE IT! Thanks for posting about your "experiment". Taking that leap and LETTING GO of counting calories and letting the way your jeans fit determine what kind of day you're going to have is sooooooooooooo hard. So hard! I'm proud of you. I want to get to where you're at emotionally and mentally so badly. Somedays are better than others. I've overcome a lot, but there's most certainly still work to be done. It's tough.

  4. Dear Sara

    You can never truly be free until you work out what's "driving" you - and it looks like you are finding some answers. Good on you!


I love to hear from you! Tell me what's in your brain, your heart or your dinner plate :D.