Sunday, February 11, 2007

Slipping and sliding on the edge....

Today I found myself frequently wandering rather dangerously close to the edge of the self pity canyon. It was a pity party in waiting kind of a day. This morning I swung myself out of bed in the usual manner, put my feet on the floor and twisted my back right into an agonising spasm. On a normal day, this would be inconvenient and painful, but tomorrow is my exam and I really needed to be revising... not easy when you can't sit or stand for very long! It has been tempting to let my brain slip into some very defeatest thought patterns, especially since I'd also set myself a goal to be at Salsa class tomorrow night. I've had to sit my calm self down right in front of my wobbly, panicking self and have a little pep-talk. For a start, the fatalism is a bit too much. I'm not permanently disabled, I'm not immobile and in a week or so I'll be feeling ok again. Secondly, I'm an idiot sometimes :) Hard to believe as it is, I haven't exactly been giving my back the rest it needs. Just yesterday I had to finish up the ball squats which were part of my full body workout. I had to finish the sets I'd decided on even though my back wasn't feeling all that good from halfway through the first set. See? not so clever sometimes. I will reform my ways.

Today did have a few little things that kept me from the edge. I'd made a deal with myself, a secret pact, that if I kept to my nutrition plan all week and met my weigh in goal then I could go to Fava cafe for a huge piece of gluten-free chocolate cake which I've been lusting after for approximately 4 months. My current modest weightloss target is 200g a week. Any more than that and I might have to give something up. We all know that will never happen. I hit the scales at exactly 59.3kg and ok, it was a bit painful getting to Fava but I was well motivated and it was worth every chocolately, fat and sugar laden spoonful.

Next up I had to do something cute - assemble my exam supplies.
You know, pencils, pencil sharpener (with shavings catcher), ruler, calculator, coloured pens (red for arterial blood, blue for venous), an eraser. And I found the perfect pencil case (pencil case! how school-girly is that?). I am feeling quite optimistic about the exam although the subject matter has been vast (the whole human body no less) and I know I'll be dreaming about the Renin-Angiotensin indirect renal mechanism for the control of blood pressure.... or connective tissue structure or something... send brainy vibes!


  1. Armed with that pencil case, how could you possibly do less than brilliantly?

    Good luck!


    P.S. Hope the back's much better

  2. How the hell tall are you? :)

    I want to hear more about your NON DIET approach to food. It really intrigues me. I know you've overcome so much and I love reading about the place you're at now.

    Good luck on the exam! Not that you need it...



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