Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Fridge

Today I discovered the origins of life. It all started in the primordial soup that has been evolving in the bottom of the vege bin in my fridge. Perhaps it was the recent close flying meteor that caused the evolutionary spark but, whatever the inspiration, the only vege unaffected is a bag of suspiciously flouro-orange inorganic carrots that someone got for me when I had the flu. Apart from the evolving veges, I had to face the truth.. there was no way I could fit another thing in there - not even using the 'close eyes, close door and walk away' maneouvre. What was I going to do with my five bags of newly bought, pricey organic food?

It was really time for a fridge cleanout. I've been procrastinating the event and there was good reason to be afraid, very afraid. Like many people whom have overcome eating disorders I tend to shop with an apocalypse mentality. What I experience in the supermarket could be compared to the 'en route to the airport' panic that causes me to pull over for yet another inventory of passport, tickets and credit cards.. even though I know they are there. I'm in the supermarket and I know I have, for example, enough eggs for the week, but in the moment I just have to get more - in case I had a lapse of memory.. or in case some weird mist floats over and removes all eggs from planet earth overnight. According to what I discovered in the fridge, I am most nervous about quarg, hommous, eggs, gherkins, mussels and veges. At the back of the most upper shelf I discovered a sealed tupperware that contained what I think must have been bacon.. months ago.

My original idea was just to clear the worst, squeeze my new shopping in there, and then happily embrace denial regarding the rest of it. However The Programmer discovered me standing there with arms full of half empty containers and mistakenly thought I was actually cleaning the fridge. Helpfully, he showed me how to take out the shelves and then, when I didn't respond with a rush of enthusiasm, he removed the shelves and the vege bin and pointed me outside in the direction of the high pressure hose. My workouts consist of exercises that are 'functional'. That is, you use your body in ways that are supposed to make you strong and capable in the real world. I now have an idea for a 'wet room' where your whole workout consists of wrestling a high pressure hose into submission because all of my functional muscles weren't much of a match for this thing. In attempting to figure out the nozzle attachment (while also trying to maintain my grip on the hose-beast and stay upright) I managed to break it off, aiming a jet of water into the primordial soup which instantly became a tidal wave of smelly vege mush and of course I was right in the soaking zone. Lovely.

I have decided to relax my shopping behaviours so that I never have to clean the fridge again. I'm reformed.

2 comments:

  1. LMAO! And I thought I was the only one who took the "quick - throw all the new stuff in the fridge and ignore the old, possibly mouldy stuff" approach.

    I have learned not to shop in anticipation of an impending nuclear disaster. It took some prctice, but I believe I am cured.

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  2. Clean... cleaning the fridge? What's that? It sounds less fun than pulling teeth... :P

    I did not realize that ex disordered eaters tend to stock pile certain food items... but I definitely do it too. I just thought I was quirky.

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